The Internet of Useless Things: Part Two, Fitness

Posted By on September 7, 2015

Ok, we’ve covered the home and kitchen in my last post. Even more ridiculous things are happening on that front, but we’ll save the for another time. In ‘The Internet of Useless Things: Part Two, Fitness’ it’s time to really look at the bottom of the Internet of Things barrel and see what people have scraped up. Let’s focus in on fitness. So much can be done to help us but so much is completely pointless.

Which way do I turn? GPS can really help us out. We no longer need to casually use our nose to take us on an adventure. If I run then I want to know exactly where I am going. This is serious business. Cue light electronica-guitar music and meet Lechal:

It takes 38 seconds to cryptically buzz on screen. I still have no idea what it is until the end. Oh, Haptic footwear. Terrible (unless you are maybe a self-prescribing foot fetishist). Next…

Ok, more light guitar music (seriously, where is the heavy metal or edgy house to promote things these days). It’s time to remove the final vestige of dignity from Yoga with SmartMat:

“You scored 89 out of 100 today.” says the non-descript female voice.

Seriously, namaste-out-of-my-way.

All this talk of exercise is making me hungry but I feel the need to earn everything that I eat. kSafe wants to ensure I am kept hungry and denied everything that could be fun in life with a brutalist regime that only rewards sacrifice:

Quite frankly the most dystopian piece of tech I have seen recently.


Nikolas Badminton is a world-respected futurist speaker that researches, speaks, and writes about the future of work, how technology is affecting the workplace, how workers are adapting, the sharing economy, and how the world is evolving. He appears at conferences in Canada, USA, UK, and Europe. Email him to book him for your radio, TV show, or conference.

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